2 Shakes of a Lamb’s Tail

Ok, so WOW, that was one slow lamb, right?

Awa ... how cute is this little lamb?  He shakes his tail slowly :)
Awa … how cute is this little lamb? He shakes his tail slowly 🙂

Well, I sort of fell down the rabbit hole of wanting to add text to my pictures I’m about to post, which led to asking my very best friend about the free online picture editing programs she had told me about, which led to me finding out that my browser was too old for the program, (what?! I have a 3 yr old macbook for pete’s sake!) which led to me updating my OS to Mavericks, which took 6+ hours & 2 chat-sessions with Apple, and resulted in my iPhoto needing to also be updated, my internet being messed up, and … ok, are you asleep yet?

Sorry.  I just wanted some sympathy.  Can’t a girl just make a damn post anymore?  My plan was to put up my Easter Post yesterday … But you get what you get, (which will be momentarily.)

I’m not perfect, but you still love me 🙂 And, maybe this cute little baby lamb will make you smile.

Duck Droppings

I sort of don’t understand all this manufactured uproar … Sort of.   I mean, who cares with this duck dude says?

I have heard of Duck Dynasty , sure – I won’t lie.   Yes, I’ve heard of that show because this is America & you can’t wake up and take a piss without having some commercialized over-processed hype shoved in your face.

Have I watched one moment, one commercial, one spot, one second of this bearded shit brigade? NO.  No, I have not.  (I don’t expect a medal for that proclamation, either.  I just thought I’d point out that I don’t have time to watch idiots doing idiotic shit.)

Thanks a lot, no thanks, but thanks.  I have better things to do than to count the number of lice living in his beard as he espouses bigotry & hatred.  And let’s be honest, the A-Number-One reason I haven’t watched this spectacle is because of the beards, Ok?  I’m being honest.  It grosses me out.  Oh, and I love ducks, so I can’t watch a show that is about hunting ducks.  How cute is this guy?

cute duckling
I would rather watch this duckling waddle around than watch racist bigots with beards
But I digress, I’m not going to judge on physical appearance alone (though I do believe that first impressions make a lasting one – that’s why I want to cuddle this duckling.)  But based on duck dude’s most recent comments that were revealed in an interview with GQ Magazine & heavily quoted in the media, he is a shallow, un-evolved, loveless, intolerant bottom feeder … but hey, that’s just my first impression & only based on very limited exposure to him as a person.

It occurs to me, though, that duck dude is a “personality” on a “reality show” (I put those things in quotes & italics because they are kind of asinine, eye-roll-inducing labels.)  He isn’t a spokesperson for some upstanding corporation that is interested in maintaining an “image” or bettering humanity.   It’s A&E, people.  Arts & Entertainment Channel.

And duck dude falls under the latter category I guess.  There is no “art” in bigotry.  In my opinion (and having been in the entertainment industry for – oh, practically my entire adult life,) A&E was well aware of duck dude’s viewpoints, whether or not they agreed & whether or not they thought his viewpoints aligned with A&E’s.

You think this interview that duck dude conducted with GQ (which was the tipping point in exposing his true feelings to the public at large, apparently,) was done without the knowledge, nay, without the blessing of A&E?  COME ON.  Get real.  They knew.  Hell, they probably set it up!

Did they do it for the publicity?  Maybe.  Or maybe A&E wanted to break up with duck dude, and used this as a springboard for doing so.  And maybe it is just the thing that gets people talking, and becomes the catalyst that gets people to draw a line in the sand, finally.

Are you going to stand on the side of intolerance & judgment – the side that infringes on the rights of another human being to enjoy their existence to the fullest extent on this earth?  The side that spews hate & reasons that it is “God’s Will,”  Or, are you going to step over that shallow little line that some cave-dwelling dolt carved into the sand, and expand your mind into a place where you can accept that someone else’s decisions about who they are going to love have absolutely NO ramifications on any aspect of your existence

Do I agree with the duck dick?  You don’t know by now?  Well, let’s be clear.  No.  Hell, no.  Not only  “no,” But, “HELL NAH.”  But, yeah, he has a right to espouse his stupidity.  Unfortunately it’s on a platform big enough for the world at large to witness.  And, unfortunately, he has just as much of a right to flaunt his lice-ridden-face-bush on the television & wag his hateful tongue as do any of the other reality-tramps touting their wares; selling their duck whistles & their butt-shaper shoes.

Do you have a right to turn the channel if he grosses you out with his weird beard & blatant bigotry?  YES.  Do you have a right to wave your fist in the air if you find yourself agreeing with his employment of lice as they take up residence in his facial hair?  YES.  Do you have a right to make your own show, (“The Red Robin Regime: Riot Against Racism!”)  YES,  Yes, you do, so do it!   Does A&E have a right to employ the duck dude regardless of  the 1st amendment (which only applies to the government’s suppression of free speech, FYI)?  Yes, they do.  Do they have a right to fire him when it’s become to much & they feel the pressure from the rest of the evolved citizens in our country?  Of course.

But, the moral of the story is this: Screw these ignorant assholes.  All of them – from duck dude, to the jerk at the local Coffee Shop who whispers to the cashier that same sex marriage will be the one thing that collapses our society.  Screw them and speak up – combat crazy hate with a conversation.  It probably won’t change their opinion, but you will feel better for standing up to bigotry.

And, at the end of the day, this guy has no bearing on real life, mine or yours, so water off a duck’s back, right?

Snakes In The Mouse House

GreedyMcGreedersons: 1 / Disney: 0

I found out today that Disney is changing their “Disability Accommodation Pass” Policy thanks to the greedy actions of some wealthy asshats & morally bankrupt disabled folks.  Thanks a lot, jerks – way to ruin it for the rest of us.  And thanks Disney for punishing those of us who genuinely need this to enjoy your park!  I was actually looking forward to taking The Boy to the Halloween celebration at Disneyland, but now, I am going to have to reconsider.

You see, before I knew what an accommodation pass was, we had a handful of stressful experiences at Disneyland, and I figured that Disneyland just wasn’t going to be something The Boy, The Husband & I could enjoy as a family.  It saddened me, because growing up 15 minutes from The Happiest Place On Earth, Disneyland was such a part of my childhood that I naturally assumed it would be the same for The Boy.

It was a sad realization that he wouldn’t have the same experiences I had there … until I had heard about the “accommodation pass” from a woman who runs a non-profit group for families of kids on the Autism Spectrum.

Waiting in line is hard for The Boy.  Much more difficult than it is for a typical kid … And being over-stimulated by all of the crowds, the fanfare, the parades, the noises, the characters — it’s a lot for a little Aspie to deal with.  It’s a lot for the mom of a little Aspie to deal with, but then I was told about the “accommodation pass.”  This changed everything!!

With the accommodation pass, we only go a couple of times a year & even then, we plan it out for a day that will likely be less busy, with less over-stimulation, and hopefully with less judgmental eyeballs on us, sizing up HOW it is we three can cut to the front of the line because we all “look” so “normal.”  We never abuse the pass & if there is an occasion where he can tolerate the line, we wait like everyone else.

And to be clear, you don’t get anything for “free” – you still pay for your ticket.  Having an accommodation pass doesn’t mean that you get to cut in front of the line and breeze on to the ride, but it does trim down on the wait times & takes you out of the regular line so that a meltdown due to overstimulation from crowds, and / or waiting is a lot less likely to occur.  It allows us to have a more “normal” & easy experience.

You cannot use the accommodation pass to cut down the wait time for dining, so there’s that barrel of monkeys to contend with, and you also can’t use it to cut into the line to meet with the characters, so we don’t get to do a lot of character meet & greets, (except recently I made friends with the character guide & asked him when the next time Sully was going to make an appearance so that I could try to time it out perfectly.  I ran with The Boy & his tow-headed girlfriend, so that we could be the very first people in line.  We almost made it, but we were like 5 people too late.  However, thanks to the sweet stranger in front of me, through a natural conversation, I briefly & quietly explained our situation, and she was kind enough to let us go in front of her & her son.

I certainly don’t expect preferential treatment, but I definitely appreciate any accommodations that kind, compassionate people are willing to bestow upon us.  It’s hard enough to confide in someone that my kid isn’t “normal,” even though he may seem to be at first glance.  I truly appreciate the courtesies that are afforded by understanding strangers.  And on the flip side, the glaring looks from those judgmental asshats anger me to no end.  You want to trade me?  I’d gladly take waiting in line for 45 minutes if that meant my son didn’t have to struggle with  Aspergers Syndrome.

No, I don’t think it is fair that other kids – “normal” kids, “typical” kids –  have to wait in long lines to go on rides.  I know it’s tough for any kid to wait, and I do think that adults with light disabilities should let all kids go first.  They’re kids after all!!  BUT, kids with mental delays, kids who are not neuro-typical, kids who have any disability or chronic disease — well, they should go straight to the front of the line.  If for no other reason than this: LIFE IS HARD when you have a disability.  And Disneyland is a magical place where that is all somehow erased … it’s a special place where not being “typical” doesn’t mean anything other than you’re super cool … At Disneyland, the playing field is leveled.  Everyone is SPECIAL.

So … some idiots totally ruined this for those of us who were just cruising along enjoying the brief respite from the storm of spectrum disorders as we meandered down Main Street.  I’m so annoyed I could rip their heads off and roll them down the crest of the Matterhorn!  (Of course after hours when the kids wouldn’t see this!)

Truly, I don’t mind proving The Boy’s eligibility with an IEP or a Dr’s note if that means that people, like us, who genuinely need the accommodation pass will still receive it.  But taking it away completely is a real tragedy.  It makes me angry that these selfish idiots have ruined things for those of us who have come to rely on this to enjoy Disneyland.   Sadly, I know it doesn’t phase them one damn bit.  There are no sleepless nights for them.  They don’t give a crap that my kid is going to suffer.  They’ll find another scam … and I’ll probably write another pissed off post.

No, I’m not sure I’ll be coming back to Disneyland if it means merely getting a “fast pass” for us.  Do you know how difficult it is for a 4 yr old Aspie to grasp the concept of “later?”  “No, sweet Boy, we cannot ride the Radiator Springs Racers right now, but in 45 minutes we will be able to.”  No, it’s impossible to understand if you A) are not an Aspie Kid; or B) are not a parent or caretaker of an Aspie Kid.  And I’m actually surprised that Autism Speaks was ok with this change.  What was their payout to get on board with this bullcrap?  They sure don’t speak for me!

Let the 56 year old lady on the little rascal wait in line with her leach family  – Let the spectrum kids, and the cancer kids, and the cerebral palsy kids and the kids who are 16 and under with ANY disability get on that ride FIRST.  END. OF. DISCUSSION.

And I’m pretty sure that Walt would agree.

And yeah, I can say that because I worked at Disney for a large chunk of my adult life & know a lot more about the Disney culture, what Walt believed, and the vision that he had for Disneyland than most of the losers who are making decisions up there now …

Punishing kids with disabilities for the bad behavior of the rich & entitled was NOT in his vision.

End Rant. (for tonight anyway.)

Max & Ruby … More Debauchery

I should really be outraged, but instead I’m mildly amused.  And semi-outraged.  Semi-mildly-outraged-amused-like.  And you already know the disdain I have in my heart for these wayward, parentless rabbits, Max & Ruby.

The Boy has this book “Max’s Halloween.”  (That’s my fault.  I bought it before I read it!)  I feel that it sends a terrible message & I’ve tried to hide the book, (though I’ve learned my lesson about straight up trashing things of his that I don’t like – I end up having to deal with a sobbing mess of a child and then repurchase whatever it was that I had originally gotten rid of, not to mention the wrath of The Husband who fails to understand why we don’t need 29 tiny plastic dollar store slinkies.)  Well, this time I simply hid the book. Yeah, that didn’t work.  The Boy is like Indiana Jones in the Temple of Max & Ruby.

When The Boy cannot have something he becomes singularly fixated, and will make it his sole purpose in life to attain whatever it is he is not able to have.  Gee, I wonder where he got THAT from?

So, here’s a little excerpt from this wanton book … YOU TELL ME!!!!

Highly inappropriate teachings!  | The Fairly Good Mother
Highly inappropriate teachings from Rosemary Wells! | The Fairly Good Mother

The text to the left of this page reads: “Mr. Huffington filled their jack-o’-lanterns with gummy toads.  Then he stuffed a few extra toads in Max’s costume.”

I’m sorry …  WHAT???   I’m so NOT a prude, but Come.The Hell.On!  This is teaching my child, A) to accept gummy toads from some crazed looking rabbit-man wearing a bow tie, with his eyes rolled to the back of his head in ecstasy, and B) to allow crazed rabbit-man to stuff said toads into his fricking halloween costume!!!!  All while his clueless sister counts her candy!!!!!  WTF!?!?  The whole scenario screams inappropriate!!!  The whole situation is unacceptable!!!

Yeah, I’m outraged, but amusingly so.  I mean, I would be simply amused if only The Boy wasn’t so fixated on this book.  He is reading this book as though it were Halloween gospel.  I have since had to drill into his head that we should: A) NEVER accept candy from strange looking bunnies dressed in pin-striped suits;  & B) never let anyone put candy in our costumes & C) never put candy in our costumes in general because it will ruin our costume.  (***NOTE:  The entire premise of the book is that people are stuffing extra candies in Max’s costume throughout his Halloween escapades. Seriously. I can come up with better story lines than this!!)

Thank you, once again, Rosemary Wells, for your tainted debauchery!  Burn books??  Never thought I’d be on THAT bandwagon, but yeah, let’s start with Max & Ruby books!!


Just so we’re all clear about this fact, I hate Coscto as much as I hate Walmart.  But while Walmart is NOT a necessary evil, Costco unfortunately is.  I go there because we roll through paper towels like a Sumo wrestler with diarrhea.   Like we can blow through 3 rolls in a day sometimes, (3 cats and a preschooler = puke piss and poop!) but the average is a roll a day.  (That’s the one thing about parenting they don’t mention in any books:  Paper Towels are a staple!)

What do I hate more than going to Costco?  Rude mo-fo’s up in Costco.  I have a system, you see.  I try to get there at 9:48am (they open to the public at 10am,) so I can avoid the general public.  I’m nice and they know me, so they let me in a little early.  I’m a Costco Ninja – I can be in and out in under 18 minutes before most people are parking their cars.

But, the other day I had to go in the afternoon.  3:44 to be exact.  The place is jam packed with slow-walkers scouring the place for free-bees, hungry grey hairs & couples who think that Costco is the perfect romantic setting to take a leisurely stroll while holding hands and lackadaisically pushing their carts.

I gritted my teeth and tried to muscle the cart around a large man shuffling in front of me, chomping on an egg roll.  He CLEARLY saw me out of his peripheral vision, as I tried to maneuver around him, and just to be “that guy” (a nice way of saying arse hole,) he made sure that I couldn’t get past him.  THEN, he crumpled his egg roll wrapper and tossed it on the ground.  As though the “help” would be by any moment to pick up his trash!

I felt my blood pressure rising as I leaned into The Boy, (who had also witnessed this man littering,) and whispered to him, “that man is rude. It’s rude to litter.”  At least if I was going to be stuck behind Mr. Heart-Attack-Waiting-to-Happen, I was going to use it as a teaching moment.  The Boy agreed.  And about 25 seconds later, I was able to dodge between him and 3 other carts.

As we passed him, The Boy looked at him and proclaimed in a clear voice, “You’re rude.”  I nearly peed my pants!  Oh geez.  The man either didn’t hear him, or English wasn’t his first language because he smiled at The Boy & said hello.  The Boy scowled at the litterbug & repeated himself.  “You’re rude.  It’s not nice to litter.”  The little tow-headed parrot strikes again!

I quickly high-tailed it down the next aisle, laughing and kissing The Boy on the head.  I explained that sometimes we cannot tell people what we’re thinking even though it might be the truth.  We talked for a minute about why we don’t litter & why we need to remember to never come to Costco after 10:30am.

Reason #289 Why I Hate The Medical Field

So, I have this night time cough – I’m guessing because it’s so freaking windy & dry in my little piece of Southern California Paradise.  My skin is cracking & my hands are as dry as a bone.  (P.S. I hate the wind!)  I don’t feel sick, but my voice is hoarse.  Yes, mother, I’m gargling with hydrogen peroxide & drinking tea with lemon and honey before bed.

HOWEVER, COMMA, none of that has helped!  I have woken up for a total of 5 hours the past two nights due to a dry cough.  It’s obnoxious.  But not as obnoxious as being told that I can’t have a refill of cough syrup.

After a night of coughing fits on Monday, I called first thing Tuesday morning to request a refill on some cough syrup that I was prescribed in December for a similar condition.  I called the Pharmacy back in the late afternoon to see if the Doctor had filled it & if it was ready to pick up.  Nope.  Weird.  Too bad the Doctor’s office was closed, so I couldn’t call them to see what was up.  Well, thankfully, I had a smidge of cough syrup left from the previous prescription.  And I do mean just a smidge. Like, I had to fill the bottle with water to get the stuff that was lodged on the sides of the bottle & that didn’t even really help.

Cut to Wednesday morning, I called the Doctor’s office to see what the deal was & after I was put on hold for 4 minutes and 36 seconds, I spoke with Lydia, who was cold, unsympathetic & told me that my request for a refill had been denied.  “Cough medicine contains codeine and codeine is an abused substance.”  I was really pissed at the innuendo … I’m an adult woman, a mother, a wife, a responsible, upstanding citizen, NOT a 13 year old crackhead trying to get high on codeine!

Not only was I incensed at being denied for a refill, I was flabbergasted as to WHY no one from their office bothered to call me and inform me of this fact yesterday.  She claimed the Doctor did call me!  Um NO.  I have caller i.d on both phones, so show me the records.  Lydia accused me of being hostile.  W.T.F.?  I asked Lydia why I had been denied, she said that it was because I hadn’t been into their offices recently.   Well, Lydia, I haven’t been sick!  And also, your office is about 20-30 minutes away from my house & there is an average wait time of 60-90 minutes in your office until I’m seen, so that doesn’t really jive with my busy mom schedule.  It’s not a convenient outing for me, feel me, Lydia?  And it’s not like it’s some mystery as to what is wrong with me – I HAVE A NIGHT COUGH – I can self-diagnose & know what I need.

Lydia challenged me: If I really wanted a refill, I’d come into the office.  Oh really?  When?  Should I take my son out of school to make him sit in your petri-dish of an office just to get an ok for a cough syrup refill?  Or should I skip one of his therapies in the afternoon and get charged for a missed session?  She said I should get a sitter.  I asked her if the Doctor was planning on paying for a sitter.  She asked me to stop being rude.  I asked her if she had children, she said no, and I asked to have the Doctor call me immediately.  She informed me that he only returned calls at the end of the business day.  Oh, great – what good would that do me?  I’d have another sleepless, coughing night.

I hung up with Lydia, quietly cursed her in my car & then called the office back and got a Jennifer on the line…. Jennifer was much more sympathetic & I had calmed down some.  Just some.  Not a lot.  But enough.  I explained the situation to Jennifer & asked her if she knew how it felt to be a mom when you’re tired from not sleeping & don’t feel good & on top of that just started your period.  Do you know how hard that is?  To my surprise she said “yes.” She promised that the Doctor or at least his nurse would call me back quickly.  Stupidly, I believed her.

Cut to 5pm … no call from the doctor or any of his cohorts & on a whim I decided to call the pharmacy to make sure they didn’t get the refill request, so that I could call the doctor and get crazy on him. Oh, nope – to my surprise, the Doctor’s office DID, indeed, call in a refill & I had The Husband pick it up on his way home.  I open the bag and there is this HUMONGOUS bottle of cough syrup, as if to say “Please don’t ever call here again.”  OR, “We’re sorry, we fucked up.”  I’m not sure which, but it made me laugh on a day where I’d been upset and frustrated for the majority of my waking hours.

Anyway … Off to codeine dreamland and hopefully a more restful sleep.  Sweet dreams, dear reader 🙂

The Etiquette Nazi

Hi, that would be me, the etiquette nazi, though “nazi” might be a bit of an over-exaggeration.  I will readily admit to being uber passionate about proper etiquette & good manners. And I will also readily admit to not being perfect.  I mean, I’m sure that there has been a slip-up or two on my part over the past 30-something years … perhaps an emailed thank you note instead of a written one, or that time I forgot to thank my sister-in-law for the present she sent to The Boy until 3 weeks later! Oops!  Sorry.  I know we get busy, but I believe that good manners are the cornerstone of our society & they are sadly becoming a romantic nuance of past generations.

Courtsey | The Fairly Good Mother

Do you know how many people no longer hold the door for someone? I’m literally on the heels of someone who casually looks back to see if there’s anyone behind them, they see me, and instead of holding the door an extra SECOND, they let it slam in my face!  It happens so frequently that when someone DOES hold the door open, I thank them profusely & in such an exaggerated fashion, so as to let them know that PLEASE DON’T STOP BEING KIND TO STRANGERS, SOME OF US REALLY DO APPRECIATE IT!

I’m really getting tired of how slovenly & lazy society has become.  It’s making me feel old.  And grumpy.  I mean, how hard is it to shoot someone a “thank you” via text, email, or facebook?  I’m not even asking you to pick up the phone or to write a hand-written note and (gasp!) put a stamp on it and mail it to me!  I know you’re busy, so am I.  Which is why, when I go out of my way to bake a homemade lasagna because an acquaintance just had a baby, I really don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect a quick “thank you so much, it was delicious” text / email / post to my facebook wall.  Even if it wasn’t delicious, that’s what you do. (It was delicious.  I know because I made one for my family, too.)  Do you know how it makes me feel?  Like I never want to go out of my way for that person again.  And I won’t.  But someone’s bad manners shouldn’t dictate my generosity.

Magic Words
Magic Words

Or how about the friend who never acknowledges the gifts I buy for her child each year on his birthday & Christmas. I would stop buying him gifts, but that would only punish the kid & not her, the clueless person with zero etiquette.  How do people live this way?  I don’t get it.  It’s not like I’m judging you on which fork you use, for Pete’s sake, just be POLITE & KIND.

I’m teaching my son manners: the socially correct way of acting, (as defined by my dictionary.)

The Boy knew the signs for “please” and “thank you” before he could speak.  He says “please” and “thank you” now that he can talk – most times without being prompted by me.  I’m teaching him to hold the door for people and pull out the chair for a lady (or a little girl.)  I am also teaching YOUR kids manners, even if you are not.  The other day 2 little girls asked me to hand them straws & lids for their sodas – they were about 6 or 7 years old.  I handed them the lids & after several moments, I prompted them gently, “thank you.”  And their dad was standing right behind me!!! Come on people.  It’s not that difficult to be polite … we need to teach our kids to be polite otherwise we’ll end up as savage animals.  Manners are what separates the two-leggeds from the four-leggeds, and it’s getting pretty scary when some dogs are more polite than some humans I’ve met.